Alexander and Sonja Milochenko

Alexander Ivanovitch Milochenko (1935-____)

and

Sonja Milochenko (born Schönkaes) (1943-2021)

Alexander may be spelt Alexandre, Alexandr, Aleksander, Aleksandr.

Sonja may be spelt Sonya, Sonia.

Milochenko may be spelt Miloshenko.

Early life of Alexander Ivanovitch Milochenko

Alexander Ivanovitch Milochenko was born in Paris, France in September, 1935, to Ivan Andreievich Milochenko and Xenia Grigorievna Stepanienko. There was also a daughter, Vera, born to them.

Ivan Andreievitch Milochenko, born on 13 December, 1895, was from Stavropol, in the Don Cossack region of the Russian Empire. Xenia Greigorievna Stepanienko, born on 11 February, 1901, was from Bezslaviensky in the Caucasus. Ivan Andreievich fought in World War I (in Serbia). When he returned to Russia on leave, the revolutions of 1917 began. He then served in the White Army after the Bolshevik Revolution. At the end of the fighting, he fled to Bulgaria, Turkey, Lemnos, to Rhodes, and then to France. Xenia fled all alone by a similar route (her father had been killed as a martyr, and her mother had to flee). They met one another on the boat, and then they met again in Paris. Both Ivan and Xenia were fervent Orthodox Christian believers.

Ivan and Xenia married in Paris. The new family moved to Drancy, a suburb of Paris, where Alexander Ivanovitch grew up and where he was educated. His parents raised him in the bosom of the Orthodox Christian Church, and they likewise raised him in love for Christ to be a fervent and faithful Orthodox Christian. Later on in life, he learned that many of his childhood friends in Drancy had been exterminated in Auschwitz.

At the age of 6 months, Alexander Ivanovitch was baptised in Asnières by Father Oleg Boldireff, and Matushka Natalia served as his sponsor (god-mother). His god-father Sergei was then taken prisoner voluntarily (in order to save another man) by the Nazi German army, during which time he reposed in Christ. Alexander attended church services and served in the Altar at the Cathedral of Saint Alexander Nevsky on the rue Daru in Paris. The most influential priests in his life at this time were Father Evlogy and Father Tchekane. Father Evlogy (Georgiyevsky) became a bishop for the Russian Exarchate in Western Europe of the Patriarchate of Constantinople soon afterwards.

Alexander Ivanovitch received his primary and secondary education in Paris.

During World War II, Father Oleg Boldireff was interned in a Nazi prison camp. When he returned to Paris in 1942, he would visit the Milochenkos on a weekly basis, and the parents of Alexander would provide him with all sorts of food to sustain him and his family. Father Oleg later commented that his family might well not have been able to survive without such support.

Saint Alexander Nevsky Cathedral, Paris

Further education

Alexander went to trade-school to learn fine carpentry (furniture-making). After he had qualified as a journeyman, he saw the advertisements about employment in Canada. He applied and he was accepted.

Emigration to Canada, 1956

Alexander emigrated from France to Canada in 1956, and he arrived by ship in Québec City, Québec. From there, a friend took him to Toronto, Ontario, where he settled. In the same year, he went to Montréal, Québec, to visit his god-parents, the Archpriest Oleg and Matushka Natalia Boldireff, who were serving at the Cathedral of Saints Peter and Paul. Alexander began to work in a furniture-shop, where he worked until 1958. From then on, he worked for General Motors in Oshawa, Ontario, until his retirement. During the time of his employment with General Motors, he held various responsibilities. For the whole time, he commuted from his home in North York, a suburb of Toronto.

Marriage, 1959 ; bereavement, 1973

In 1959, Alexander married Lillian Paillard (of a French family which had immigrated to Toronto). In 1962, he bought the house in which he thereafter always lived. In 1966, they received from the Lord twin daughters.

Then, in February, 1973, his wife and twin daughters died in a car accident. The recovery from this shock took time, and he was very much helped throughout by a neighbouring Roman Catholic priest.

Daughters' grave-marker

Early life of Sonja Schönkaes

Sonja Schönkaes was born in Detroit, Michigan, USA in 1943, to Reginald Schönkaes and Helga Mruck.

Both her parents were originally from Germany. Her mother, born in Bernburg, Anhalt (now Saxony-Anhalt) Germany on 20 March, 1913, had emigrated directly to Detroit in 1928. Her father, born 8 March, 1902, had emigrated in 1920, first to Montréal in Canada from Posen (where his family were landed gentry) in the German Empire. Posen (situated midway between Berlin and Warsaw) had been in Silesia, Germany. It later became known as Posnan. After working in different places beginning in Montréal (mining, ranching, truck-driving) and ending in Vancouver, British Columbia, he moved to the USA in 1921. There, he began working primarily with truck-driving on the west coast of the USA. Soon after, he found work in Detroit, where he moved with friends. He began to work for Chrysler Corporation in 1935. Helga worked in a German club, and she was introduced by friends to Reginald. They married in 1941.

Thereafter they received 2 children from the Lord, Sonja (1943) and her brother Richard (1946). Their parents were very nurturing, generous and kind. They raised their children as faithful Christians in the Lutheran Church.

Sonja received her primary and secondary education in Detroit.

Higher education of Sonja

Sonja entered Wayne State University, where she received a Bachelor of Science degree, and where she did further post-graduate studies. She also received the qualifications to be an ESL teacher. She began teaching in 1965 in the suburb where she grew up.

On a vacation in Mexico (the first on her own), Sonja met Alexander Milochenko amongst the small tourist-group. Neither Alexander nor Sonja had been looking for anyone. Sonja had intended to go on this vacation with a friend, but she had to be elsewhere instead, and Sonja went on her own. Alexander was still grieving his loss. However, always a gentleman, Alexander noticed that Sonja was travelling alone. With the blessing of the leader of the group (a priest), he invited Sonja to share a lunch, and he helped her to descend the steep steps of a pyramid. He was simply friendly in the way that respectful tour-companions often are.

After this meeting, there followed a year of correspondence. They then decided to meet in Toronto. However, there was a "comedy of errors" in trying to find one another at the bus-depot. Already Alexander had decided that he would like to marry Sonja, and he said so almost immediately. She postponed her response. They continued the correspondence until Sonja was certain. This certainty came during the Labour Day weekend of 1973, when they visited Sonja's parents in Detroit. Her parents were so pleased with her friend that her father asked whether she intended to marry Alexander (he had noticed how much joy she showed after having met Alexander). Sonja responded, "Yes, I am ready". It was her father who told Alexander her family pet-name "Tootsie", which Alexander immediately adopted.

Sonja had already found the Orthodox Christian Faith, and when Alexander visited her in Detroit. They went together to Saint Peter and Paul's Church, where Alexander's godparents Archpriest Oleg and Matushka Natalia Boldireff were serving. After meeting Sonja, they were pleased that Alexander had met her and they supported their friendship. Father Oleg said that the Lord had brought them together.

Marriage, 1974

In July, 1974, Alexander Milochenko and Sonja Schönkaes were crowned in marriage in Detroit, Michigan. Their marriage was blessed by the Archpriest Oleg Boldireff (who had baptised Alexander in Paris).

Both Alexander and Sonja perceived the Providence of God in their first meeting and their marriage.

Alexander and Sonja after the marriage

By that time, Sonja had been received into the Orthodox Christian Church, and she received the name "Martha" in the Church. It is worth saying that Sonja's birth-name is an affectionate diminutive form of "Sophia", which means "wisdom" (it was popular in many languages). It also refers to an early Christian martyr. "Martha" is known already in the New Testament as a person who worked hard in providing hospitality and in caring for others. Sonja's life was an expression of the meanings of both her names.

Both Alexander's parents travelled from Paris to Toronto and then Detroit for the wedding. Alexander had 10 other friends from Toronto present, besides the photographer. His parents stayed another 2 weeks, and Alexander and Sonja prepared for their honeymoon in Mexico City, Mexico, (where they had met).

However, after the parents had returned to Paris, and when the newlyweds soon afterwards went to the aeroport (early so as to have time to begin the celebrations already), there was an emergency call from Sonja's brother, which revealed that Sonja's father had fallen ill suddenly, had been found to have cancer, and had already had an emergency surgery. Mexico had to wait. They had to cancel everything, and they travelled as quickly as possible to Detroit. In the sudden cancellation itself, kind people showed the activity of the Lord's Providence in the events.

After this, they drove weekly to Detroit in order to be with Sonja's father. Her father refused to receive the Roman Catholic priest who wanted to visit. Then, instead, Father Oleg Boldireff visited him and gave him an icon. When Alexander and Sonja next visited, her father told them with pleasure and joy about Father Oleg's visit. After that, he then accepted the visit of the Roman Catholic priest. Father Oleg had helped her father to recover his Christian faith. Sonja's father was very joyful despite his suffering.

Sonja then moved to Toronto to live with her husband as a "landed-immigrant".

In 1975, they changed the honeymoon destination to France ; and there, Sonja met the rest of Alexander's family.

Then Sonja immediately began teaching in schools in North York and Toronto, and she continued her teaching career in the new city and country.

Bereavement, 1976

In 1976, Reginald Schönkaes fell asleep in the Lord as a result of the cancer for which he had been treated and from which he suffered greatly. Alexander and Sonja attended the funeral.

Parishioners at Christ the Saviour Cathedral, Toronto, 1976

In about 1976, once he had learned of its existence, Alexander began frequently attending Christ the Saviour Russian Orthodox Cathedral in Toronto. This was at about the time of the arrival of the Priest Nicolas Boldireff, the son of his god-mother, Matushka Natalia Boldireff. He soon became a member of the parish council.

In 1978, Alexander Ivanovitch built the new iconostas in Christ the Saviour Sobor, together with Andrei, a Polish man from Rawdon, Québec (who, Alexander said, was a blessing and a joy to work with). The design of the iconostas was developed by a local parishioner on the basis of an iconostas in California, USA. This project took 3 months to complete. The icons were painted by the Priest Theodore Koufos. Archbishop Sylvester immediately acknowledged all his work, and in recognition and gratitude for it, Vladyka Sylvester gave Alexander a "gramota" (certificate of blessing). Icons from the previous iconostas and from the previous Temple were transferred to the interior of the Altar, inside the new iconostas.

The iconostas that was constructed in 1978 replaced an older one which had been brought from the Temple site at 4, Glen Morris Street when the parish was required to move because of construction in 1966.

Old iconostas (later imported from the previous site) in 1966

Iconostas constructed by Alexander and Andrei

After they had become members of the parish, Alexander and Sonja constantly demonstrated open-hearted Christian hospitality and care. Their home was open, and they received very many people as guests during the following decades. They received many bishops, some of whom stayed in their home during a visit to the parish ; and they received both clergy and lay-persons from many different places who travelled to Toronto to attend one or another sort of meeting (either of the Archdiocese of Canada, or of The Orthodox Church in America).

Several bishops stayed in their home during visits for various meetings and services. On at least one occasion, Sonja was able to provide lunch for several visiting bishops with only a half an hour of notice by telephone in advance. The most memorable such visitor was Metropolitan Theodosius (Lazor) who repeatedly assured them about how comfortable they made him feel.

It is possible to say that their hospitality was even more than "classical Orthodox Christian hospitality". They sought to obey the Holy Gospel and the words of Christ.

Starosta for more than 30 years, 1978

In 1978, Alexander Ivanovitch was chosen to be the parish council president ("starosta"). The Slavic term "starosta" means "elder", and it generally implies broader responsibilities than simple presidency or chairmanship. Some parishes distinguish between president/chair and "starosta". As is implied in the meaning of the word, the "starosta" is not usually young, and there is a sense of personal relationship between him/her (a female "starosta" is a "starostikha"), the clergy and the parishioners. In other words, the "starosta" serves as a lay extension of the pastoral service of the clergy. Alexander Ivanovitch remained in this responsibility for more than 35 years, and the parishioners generally treated him as being a true elder. During these years, he supervised a multitude of renovation and repair projects.

One controversial decision (at the time) was the press to find and purchase an adequate and appropriate house for the priest of the parish and his family. In about 1980, an ideal home was found (rather close to the cathedral), at a good price. This home received many a visitor over the years, and when it was ultimately sold, the selling price was at least 10 times more than the original purchase price.

In the early 1990s, there was a serious undertaking to help newly-arriving Russian-speakers. Such persons had already begun to arrive, often at that time as refugees, at the time of the impending collapse of the Soviet Union (USSR). Once the communist government had collapsed, there began a large flow of émigrés from the former Soviet states which were then becoming independent countries, and which were in great economical and political disarray. Russia and Ukraine were not exempt from such emigration, and their former citizens began to settle in Canada, the USA, Western Europe, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, various countries of South America and elsewhere.

In co-operation with Holy Trinity Russian Orthodox Church of the Russian Orthodox Church Outside Russia (ROCOR), Christ the Saviour Cathedral helped to establish the "Russian Orthodox Immigration Society" (ROIS) in Toronto. Alexander worked closely together with Nicolas Ignatieff, Bill Saunders and Nicolas Jacob in organising matters with the Canadian federal civil authorities. Providentially, Alexander Ivanovitch had met a federal Cabinet Minister, David Colenette, who was of great help to this society. The ROIS helped a very large number of Russian-speaking immigrants to cope with the paperwork involved in their arrival, and the ROIS also helped the newcomers to find work and housing.

Throughout his years of service, Alexander Ivanovitch acted as a true “father” to the parish.

Retirement of Sonja, 1988

In 1988, Sonja decided to take early retirement in order to do some different things. She managed “Moyer’s, the Teachers’ Store”, and other enterprises for some years. In 1988, she returned to teaching in the Linc Programme, and she also did some tutoring. She took courses to re-qualify as an adult ESL teacher, and she taught at Seneca College until 2005, when she retired completely. In the church, Sonja was perpetually attending the worship services (even at times when there was no English at all).

During several years, Sonja taught both young children and young adults in the parish Church school. She was passionate that the children learn about their Faith, and about the Holy Scriptures. However, not all the parents were as enthusiastic, and the language barrier in this particular parish constantly presented serious obstacles to those who cared to serve in this way.

Sonja began helping in the financial auditing committee of the parish council in about 1993 (during the time when Nicholas Jakob was the treasurer), and she continued in this service until 2016.

Retirement of Alexander, 1995

Following his official retirement from General Motors in 1995, Alexander Ivanovitch continued working in a less demanding way by working as a driver for "City Buick".

As his years advanced, he also tried to retire from his responsibilities as “starosta” of the cathedral parish. Because of his personal and paternal concern for the parish, and because of his personal commitment to maintain and to repair the facilities by hard work, his attempts to retire were vigorously resisted by the parishioners.

Nevertheless, he finally managed to retire in 2011, when another parish council president was elected. Even then, he continued to be called upon constantly for his advice and assistance. Before long, he was again conscripted into service as starosta for another year or more.

Alexander and Sonja at Christ the Saviour Cathedral, early 2000s

Both Alexander Ivanovitch and Sonja said without hesitation after celebrating their 40 years of marriage that these years have simply been joy.

Alexander and Sonja

Alexander and Sonja in their garden

In the years after their retirements, Alexander and Sonja undertook to take tours of various places in the world. In the course of these visits, they met very many people, many of whom became friends. They learnt a great deal both about history and about life in general, and they were grateful for such opportunities.

River Cruise

Hiking

At the Hermitage Museum/Winter Palace, Saint Petersburg

At Saint Catherine-in-the-Fields Temple, Moscow

At Holy Dormition Lavra, Pochaiv, Ukraine

A holy well in Ukraine

With Saint Panteleimon

Alexander at Mount Athos, 2007

In November, 2007, Alexander Ivanovitch participated with a small group of men from the Archdiocese of Canada (OCA) in a brief pilgrimage to Mount Athos, Greece. The group visited various monasteries, but their main foci were at the Iviron Monastery and the Saint Panteleimon Monastery.

Pilgrimage group at Saint Elias Skete, Mount Athos, 2007

Iviron Monastery, Mount Athos

Saint Panteleimon Monastery, Mount Athos, 2007

In 2013, Alexander Ivanovitch, together with André Buhot and Ron Pancino prepared a black granite sign on a brick foundation for the parish, and later they added a further plaque with the names and historical facts. The preparation of the sign was enabled by a special memorial donation from Mrs. Galina Ozols, with a few other contributions.

By 2017, Alexander Ivanovitch began to suffer some difficulties regarding his physical health, as did Sonja in 2020. Regardless of these difficulties, they continued with joy to worship the Lord, to love Him and the many people they carried in their hearts, and as always to serve.

Christ the Saviour Russian Orthodox Cathedral (with the parish hall at the left), Toronto, with Alexander and Sonja at the entrance

Various views of the granite parish bilingual sign, one of Alexander's last projects at the sobor, accomplished with the help of a few persons

Explanatory plaque below the sign

Increasing illness for Sonja, 2019

In 2019, Sonja was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and she began to be given treatments. The treatments continued, and for some time it seemed that the treatments were effective. The medical personnel kept a very close watch on her condition. Because Sonja knew well the nature of her illness, she steadily began to put her affairs in order. Nevertheless, through the prayers of Saint Panteleimon and of many others, Sonja was allowed much more time than most people who suffer this illness. This was to the joy and consolation of Alexander, her family and extended family, and her friends.

Sonja

In October, 2021, as the discomfort and pain was increasing for Sonja, she was very grateful for a visit from her brother Richard (Dick) from Michigan. This visit was very strengthening for Sonja, even though she had the habit of talking to her brother frequently on the telephone. By this time, Sonja had begun to have a considerable amount of difficulty being able to eat food. This condition worsened as time passed.

Sonja with Alexander and her brother Richard

It was later determined that Sonja's cancer had metastasised, and that it had become aggressive. This accounted for her feeling so unwell physically. This development did not affect her positive, kind disposition, nor did it negatively affect her love for and trust in the Lord. Rather, her confidence in the Lord increased, as did that of Alexander. Of course, she continued to rely on the intercessions of Saint Panteleimon, on whose care for her welfare she had depended already for many years.

Repose of Sonja, 2021

On Thursday, 23 December, 2021, at noon, and at home, Sonja Martha Milochenko fell asleep in the Lord. Sonja had suffered from cancer, from surgeries, and from treatments for quite a long time. She was brave, believing and faithful throughout. Joy and hope never left her despite the pain she endured. Her husband and adopted grandchildren were with her.

Primarily because of the Covid-19 pandemic regulations in force at that time, all the services associated with the funeral obsequies took place at the Paul O’Connor Funeral Home : 1939, Lawrence Avenue East, Scarborough, Ontario, M1R 2Y8.

Sonja, 2021

In addressing the prayers for Sonja, a Panikhida (Memorial Service) was served as part of the preparation.

On Tuesday, 28 December, 2021, the First Visitation took place at the funeral home between 5:00 p.m. and 9:00 p.m.

On Wednesday, 29 December, 2021, the Second Visitation took place at the funeral home between 9:00 a.m. and 11:00 a.m.

On Wednesday, 29 December, 2021, the Funeral Service for the Burial of a Lay-person was offered at the funeral home. The services were led by Archpriest Vasily Kolega, and by Pastor John Schönkaes, Sonja's nephew (of Christ the King Lutheran Church in Altoona, Iowa). Pastor John gave the eulogy/homily.

After the conclusion of the funeral services, the body of Sonja Martha Milochenko was taken for interment to Holy Cross Cemetery, Yonge Street Gate (8300 Yonge Street, Thornhill, Ontario, L4J 7R3).

Grave-marker sketch approved by Sonja

Sonja

Annual Memorial for Sonja, 2023

Normally, the annual "Pankhida" (Memorial Service) for Sonja would have taken place on or about 21 December, 2022. However, there were extenuating circumstances which caused a delay.

On 21 January, 2023, at the home of Alexander (and Sonja) Milochenko, Archpriest Vasyl Kolega, Rector of Christ the Saviour Cathedral in Toronto, Ontario, served the Annual Panikhida for the departed Sonja Milochenko. On this occasion, a small group of friends had been invited to participate. The number could not have been large because Alexander's health was not strong enough.

With the blessing of Father Vasyl, Corey Keeble (reader and choir-member at the cathedral, and godson of Alexander and Sonja), presented a brief homily, which may be read here.

Post-Pascha visit, April 2023

Grave-marker, 2023

Alexander visiting

Later in the year, Alexander had flower-Crosses prepared ; and as he prayed, he placed them at the graves of his departed, beloved family-members.

Reflections

During their many years of service together in the Church (there was no aspect of their life that was unshared), Alexander and Sonja participated in many general assemblies of the Archdiocese of Canada and of The Orthodox Church in America.

Throughout their life together, and in addition to their service in the parish administration, both Alexander and Sonja cared for many parishioners in personal and practical ways. They visited elderly persons, and they gave transport to others whenever it was needed. They often drove people to and from services. They helped with groceries and various other practical matters. They regularly and frequently prayed for the parish and the parishioners, as well as for their multitude of friends. They did their best to share their love of Christ in any way that the Lord presented to them.

Mostly because the compassion and joy which are characteristics of their life, both Alexander and Sonja have had a large circle of friends, not only in the parish, but also in various walks of life. In either case, such friends were very often ready and willing to help with repairs and other sorts of projects at Christ the Saviour Sobor. They were frequently ready to do such things at reduced cost, or even at no cost to the parish budget.

The biography of Alexander and Sonja represents that of some other persons in Canada who have served or do serve the Lord in the Church in a similar manner, and some over a significant period of time. They are in their position of responsibility not by appointment but because they are repeatedly elected to that position of responsibility and service by the parishioners. If these persons were concerned with power (dangerous in any position in the Church), they would not likely be in their position for long. Indeed, in some parishes, the by-laws prohibit long-term service without interruption. Nevertheless, because these particular persons are primarily concerned with serving others in Christ, the people recognise this love and they respond in kind. In Toronto, Alexander Ivanovitch was preceded in the 1940s and 1950s by Oleg Vladimirovitch Rodomar Vukotitch, a man of quite different talents, but of similar love and devotion to the Lord.

At the repose of Sonja in 2021, the following remarks about her and Alexander were included by an old friend in her obituary :

She and Alex were the living epitome of the word 'team'. Their love for one another was an extension of
their profound faith, and to the best of their ability they turned the words of the Two Great Commandments [Mark 12:30-31]
– Love God ! Love your neighbour ! – into a living and lively reality for everyone whose lives were made
better and happier through the gift of love and friendship they extended to everyone they met ! This included
not only those in their immediate circle of friends in Toronto but the countless numbers of people they met
on their travels to other countries.

Sonja brought light, the light of a living faith, into the darkness of the world ! She brought cheer into the
lives of all who knew her ! This was her greatest and most resilient strength in the way she dealt with
terminal cancer. She could be honest about the discomfort and anguish of chemotherapy, but she was able
to rise above every aspect of her illness and to show not just courage but an unquenchable vibrancy of
spirit ! To the very end she exuded a rare redeeming spiritual strength which will live on in the hearts,
the souls, the minds of all who knew and loved her ! Sonja is admired, respected, loved, remembered both
for who she was and who she will always be in spirit but also for the incalculable and authentic joy she
brought into the lives of so many others ! In this sense, Sonja lives on in the souls of so many whose
lives were brightened and enlivened by her presence which was and is the hallmark of true faith, true
witness to that faith, and a gift and blessing to a world which needs the comfort, the peace, the happiness,
the redeeming sense of humour which she brought into the world and into the lives of so many people !

Alexander and Sonja